But from this Endless End

by Timothy Jackson Scott

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released June 30, 2012


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Timothy Jackson Scott Milford, New Hampshire

Folksinger/songwriter from Milford, NH.

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Track Name: The Nook
Who knows, who knows what's true?
Maybe I did die May 17th of last year
Then which is my punishment: living in Hell
Or through this year?

If it's true, if it's true someone should speak up
Someone should warn me of all the things I'll become:
The cold-hearted, bitter and lonesome man;
The man I'll become if I spend too much time with myself

I've been reading words of living and dead men
I've been seeing things the way no man should ever see
I've been saying things that'll only make sense to me
And I said things I wish you'd have never heard

"I don't know, I don't know," repeated ten-fold
So if I'm a ghost or a man I'll still be looking for work
or for love, or for faith, or for stability
Another day, another dollar, but I'm broke and don't feel like borrowing no more

I've been reading words of living and dead men
I've been seeing things the way no man should ever see
I've been saying things that'll only make sense to me
And I said things I wish you'd have never heard
And I've wished things that regret coming true.
Track Name: P.S.
I'm out on the run; a convict of my own or God's own law
Lord, now I understand how it feels to be wanted for just some small reward
I've seen posters up all around these towns
Offering thousands for the man who killed each one he loved
So with a hidden face the dust spreads me an outlet of gold

To you, the Moon, an almost ever-present source of comfort and care
Was it I who sinned? Or was it you erasing pictures of our constant repose?
'Cause I've seen men who've cried over changing tides
But I've felt winds shift and bars close with you by my side
And tonight you hang so low I could drive straight through you

Another night to lay bare

To you, the Stars, (so bright, so lovely, so high and far)
If they catch me soon, don't flicker, don't dim and don't die
For I love you so: As an old man's youth
So familiar, so warm and somehow abused
Though the clouds shift and sky hovers far and wide

Now in chains I wait to swing at the gallows when the Good Lord calls
Several men, once friends, over-powered by greed and so alike to me
They rode out on horse to arrest the fool
They betrayed and one day the Judge will give them the same
I hear the bell toll, see guards come to take me away

Half a signature bore
Track Name: Hang Me
Hang me now by morning light, string me up to die
As they throw a passing look, see me glance good-bye
With no shake and no shiver I speak through the dust
My outlet worn pastel
"What thou dost, do quickly, and what you do, do well."

Veil me now by noon-time heat, hang me out to dry
And I'm no Christ; no saving-one. No, I've come here to lie
Come to shake my head, to bare my teeth
To be seen now as beast
If I soon untwine may my soul soon find peace

See me now by moon-lit night, come to paint the sky
By the stroke of a brush I leave this plane with my vision set on high
Streaks of red and white on my golden hide;
A portrait locked of late
And as they lay my body down, this portrait I berate
Track Name: Man and God and Grace
I'm looking for the Wind with his head down
Praying for a cause to cease his
I'm wondering if it's true that every man can come anew
I'm stumbling out against the Wind

There's reason for the song the birds are singing
There's reason for the men who shoot to kill
But there's no reason for a man who'd rather die than come again
How I wish to sing their sovereign tune

As I'm waking the room snaps and scratches;
The light shines a glow upon my sheets
Now I wake with a regret heavy as these tired eyes
Creaking like these lonesome bones
I'm looking for the verse sung by Man and God and Grace
And I'm humbled by it's righteous song
Wondering where the hell I went wrong

I would scurry up the stairs about a moon ago
Now the floorboards just dream of what they've lost
They withhold their boyish sound; just a bitter silence now;
Just a plain night to waste away

Beneath the window, old and crooked, sits a crow
Whose mouth doesn't open, doesn't close
And he waits for a clue, for a sign, or for a close
I sit beneath my window too

As I'm leaving I'll go looking for my own:
For the old man, for the sign, for the close
For I'm a coward little kid who couldn't stand to watch him go
Now I'll pay my dues in time
I'm looking for the verse sung by Man and God and Grace
And I hope to go one day to sing along
To reverse my own awful song
Track Name: Something New
The Fog sunk a hook in my name
Saying, "Son so dim, O, son of shame
Your hands held her blur, but now you hold a broken comb,"
So I cut the line and raced on home

But there was a man shooting holes in the sky
With a crooked grin he came, addressed me with a sigh
And, "No," I said, laughing,
"I've got a better place to be,"
My dishonest smile turned with the key
Maybe the Pearly Gates will open up for me

But I know, I know the salt and sand will guide me on home
But the lights from the side distract from what I should have seen;
They hold my glass eyes for all to see

The Fog now must watch and append
To see the leaving of lovers, the farewell from friends
The fireworks set off as the car pulls in
"Welcome home, son, now I see what has been:
Your clouded eyes, their film of young sin."

My dreams are howling up high
From the attic and I'll have no place left to lie
From the gleam in my windshield I'm reminded by the moon
That I left then and I'll leave again soon

But I know, I know the salt and sand will guide me on home
While the lights from the door run across the yard to take me in
Then I'll float up the stairs as a ghost
Then I'll rest my eyes and rest my troubled head
And when I die I'll be mourned and not missed
Track Name: The Ring and Call
Well, I saw you by the door frame, your blue coat and honest eyes
And you walked in right by me, (could've sworn I'd catch your eye)
In that brief, eternal moment I saw a wonderful display:
A lost bird, a waning star all along a vacant sea
I still turn my head in spite

One night I sat out on the front step. I heard the Moon sing his refrain
Right in tune with my own voice; right in tune with all my mind
And he was screaming, "Please stay here, my only friend beneath the stars!"
He said, "Keep watch of those you keep; each has a way to cut you thin,"
So I turned my back on him

I haven't seen him for months now, (an apology's long overdue)
But please hear me sing softly, my lost friend above those stars
That portrait still haunts me and there were those who cut me thin
And I miss you so dearly. How could I have frayed our bond?
I still sit out on that step

Then the snow fell in volumes, as if the Heavens had opened up
(What could this mean for me now? How could I record these themes?)
It feel so slowly, like how you took a year to leave;
How you left me so gently; how I never saw you go
It seems the Heavens have closed
Track Name: A Farewell
On that night, after day so bright, I finally saw the sky
After a winter air, full and cold, but bare, with the clouds still grasping the stars
And I hummed, "Foul, I to the fountain fly. . ."
And I arrived like new in a strangle, old hue

But after all, after never seeing fall, (for I was hid and bound by that frame)
I designed a tomb; a gray, hidden room for all my useless knowledge
It read, "I hold these two: My fault in you
And your coming days full of a guilty haze,"

Now the firmament, the most-blessed event, seems a curse; a thorn in my head
And all my picket-signs come to redefine; they send for another to be my help
So I say, "All my years could never pay back these fears,"
And, "Let there be light,"

The concrete blocks full of starts and stops draw a glare, a reason to kill
And the brilliance great from the oblique weight now I hate, now I look for an end
It speaks, "Damned be the son who neither waits nor runs
But stirs and errs and never looks to confer,"

To your florid grave, the place I'd dare behave, I write a poem with the roughest of hands
And here I find the time for a pathetic rhyme while I draw this fleeting breath
With a glittering eye she draws me by
And now I paraphrase and lose track of the days

But after I had made them leave whereby and closed the door hard behind
I shut out the light, but it just wasn't right. It was like saying good-bye to a statue
So I say, "Farewell to the lot of you
And let me hide myself in Thee,"
Track Name: The Sparrow and the Sea
I don't have a number, I don't have a name
I don't have a number and I'm not one to claim

There's a frame in my closet: All the faces I've betrayed
There's a picture in that frame marked by all my better days

I sent a letter out by sparrow, I sent it out by sea
I sent a letter out, love, I even payed that fee:
Ten dollars, I do believe

May that place treat them well
When you left, I swear, you went with a yell

Now homesick or lonesome; all asleep or out to gun
Now homesick or lonesome. Woe is me, for I am undone

I turned inside out; I turned black and blue
I turned due south and by the floor I fell through

I woke in the morning, I woke in the rain
I woke to find that sparrow full of joy and full of pain
He plays a shallow game
But, O, I play the same

May their feet find rest
For all you do I hope to give my best
May their feet find rest
O, I hope to soon be your guest
Track Name: Nor Did I Turn Back
I've been gone a long time, a long time, a long time
Now the thieve turns to the priest and from godsend to grief he descends
I'll be gone a long time, a long time, a long time
Before the shoot and the seed; before that weather-stricken man I'll receive

But I'll come clean; I'll come to clean
I'll come to wipe off the dust and still his knees
Then I'll be free

I've stood by and I have sat, I have sat, I have sat
I came to see my lover's eyes, and there reply that O, my soul, I deny
I've sat close, and far behind, far behind, far behind
And in that seat, all aware, I saw a girl leave alone, eyes despaired

But I'll come clean; I'll come to clean
I'll come to wipe off the dust and still her knees
Then I'll be free

By the tree, on a hill, on a hill, on a hill
There ran a fox, a rouge of sorts, and from the ground to his nest he descends
I have cried, but have not wept, I have not wept, I have not wept
Now by bus they arrive for the funeral, a two-way ticket held

But I'll come clean; I'll come to clean
I'll come to wipe off the dust and still their knees
O, set me free
Track Name: Concord and Main
I had worked on my own for awhile
As a man who cleaned each crooked mile
But I quit when my heart became vile;
When my eyes took each passing load

Then I lived like a dog for a time
On a leash of my own meager rhyme
With the whip and lash of each selfish crime
Hear me whimper on down the road

I swear I'll never know the things you've known
Or the gifts that to me you've bestowed

See the man who, dragging cigarettes, assumes
That the girl sitting way across the room
Holds no curse: A foolish thought to presume;
A thoughtless act to stare

So he'll leave with no sign, no gesture
But a sigh, as he grips to his vesture;
As he grips to that most nostalgic semester
Of a time more or less impaired

I swear I'll be nobody's wreck to repair
But a tool for each soul in despair

By the crossing of Concord and Main
Where the church and stone steeple remain
There I walked, and tore my fate in twain;
There I died, and there I rise